Road to a happy #Married Life... Part II

Having a happy marriage is something you can only achieve if you and your Spouse decides to work towards it. Marriage once contracted can become a work in progress towards a happy ending but first some things must have to come first. 
You could have made a mistake, You could have the wrong choice now as Spouse but you are married already, you can still make the best out of it if both of you are willing. 
1. Man as the Head, Woman as the Neck  
Whether anyone likes it or not, there can not be two Captains in  the same Boat, someone must give the order and the other must obey. The one who gives the order must have to take into cognizance the feelings of the other, best still he can do so democratically by allowing the other to put across her own views must times, to give her opinions due consideration before taking the final decision. It is the duty of the Captain to lead by example and to sacrifice sometimes his time, his views, his energy etc for the benefit of the other. Often times a wife's or woman's opinion brings the necessary balance to the decision you are about to take.Women reasons in a way that is different from that of a man and so when decisions are taking without their input it becomes one sided  just like breathing with one of your nostrils blocked, so always listen to their side of the story in other to take a perfect decision, you may not buy their idea but you can pick up a valuable point from their.
 2. EGO
The bible told us in I Corinthians 11: 3 that Husband is the head of the Wife. The husband is to love his wife and the wife is to submit herself to her husband.
The problem in most family is that someone is not doing what he/she aught to do. The man feels that the woman is not submitting herself enough and the woman feels that the man should love more. This Biblical rule can only be possible in an an ideal situation:
a) When the Husband and the Wife are truly Christians who are dedicated to obeying the word of God. Even if something is not right, one of them is ready to endure for the sake of God.
b) Or when the man is wealthier than the woman, he is the breadwinner of the family and the woman is not actually the greedy type.
Problem always arises when reverse is the case: If the woman is more educated or equally educated she may tend to contribute more to decision making, some men may wrongly attribute this to a woman trying to take over the position of the man and therefore become more repressive. Sometimes some women may be actually more intelligent than their husband and may try to safe the fortunes of the family, some husbands may oppose this even though it is for the betterment of all. Some women may simple lose respect for their husbands because they now earn more money than their husbands, or maybe they come from a richer family,or are more educated. The truth is that, except for a woman who respects God, when a woman is the breadwinner of her family or the more educated, there is a tendency for her to respect her husband less or want to be the head.
Solution: i} The easiest solution as a man is to marry a woman who has the fear of God, so that when she becomes better placed, even if she hates you, she can at least treat you right because of God.
ii} Marry someone who truly loves you as you are, she can never treat you wrong, don't make the mistake of trying to make her marry you because of your numerous unsustainable gifts, attention or fake promises, don't make her love you because of your position and your power, things can change and she would change.
iii} If you can't manage your ego, you always want to be the Lord, to be served by your woman, it is not right but then if you must then don't marry some one who is more intelligent, better educated, someone above your class, politically, financially and otherwise, so that your house won't become a battle ground.
3. LOVE IS THE KEY
The key however is love, when you truly love, you would't mind sacrificing to protect. 
As the wife who understands her position, who knows the true meaning of a wife, you won't see the act of submitting to your own husband as a crime, without tilting your head a bit you may not enjoy the kissing. Respect they say is love in plain clothes, even if you are more educated, more intelligent, the bread winner etc, your husband is still your husband, it is your duty to make him feel like he is in control even if he is not. Give him his due respect, treat him as your head, let's say you are both equal but the husband is more equal than the wife .
You can speak to the world through his voice and act through his actions, the voice would eventually become his and the unseen hands will become yours. Every man desires to be treated as the officer in charge and every woman desires to be relevant both roles can not clash under mutual respect for one another. If you can not submit to a fool, then don't get married to a fool, if you can not submit to an illiterate then don't marry an illiterate simply because of money or position. Do not get married to somebody you are not proud of, somebody you can not submit yourself to and if you must then learn to submit to his government, what most men don't like is confrontation but if you are wise and knows your place in his life, overtime he would most times implement your opinion without remembering that it actually originated from you.  
If the wife would submit to her husband and if the husband would love his wife every other problem would be conquered. 
4. MENTAL TEST
Now when people decides to get married, they often go for medical tests to check for their HIV status, Blood Genotype and Blood group including a host of other things, no one ever does a mental evaluation. Some people have mental issues also, there are a lot of people out there who are mentally unstable but we take them for normal people, we often hear people say things like "I can't live without you.' 'I will die if you leave' etc" and we take them for granted, sometimes we wrongfully attributes all of them to love when in actually sense some of these people may be actually suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and other serious mental ailments.
Some others are addicted to various hard drugs and alcohol, this is why marrying at first site is like gambling with your happiness. Always find out if your spouse to be is on something, if he/she does sometimes show signs of erratic behavior, changing decisions/agreement already made at short notices without convincing reasons, extreme quick temper etc then you need to be very careful, if He/She can do some of these when you are not officially married to Him/Her, it means He/She can do worst when you are married.
When a wife/husband goes to commit suicide or murder their children because she/he caught his/her husband/wife with another woman/man means that, that woman/man was not mentally stable in the first place, so always assess your would-be Spouse carefully before saying yes, also watch out his/her behaviour when in company of his/her friends, find out who his/her best friends are and study them as well. He/She may pretend because He/She wants your hands in marriage but his/her friends has no reason to pretend in your presence.
5. GOAL IN LIFE
It is very good to marry hard working people, achievers, those who have made it or those who are ready to make it but it is also good to marry those that have a space for you in their life. If he/she is too conscious of money, wealth, power, position or his/her profession then you need to thread with caution. There are people who just want to have legitimate children of their own not that they need a wife/husband, some people just want to do that to earn respect or because it is part of the qualification to attain a particular position.
Someone that loves money or power and position too much can sacrifice anything even your life to achieve it. Someone who needs to be your spouse in other to attain a particular status in life can worship you more than God just to make you say i do and the moment that happens, he will move on to other goals in life and you will be relegated to the background, you will find him/her unrecognizable again.
The signs will always be there is just that you will be too carried away to be reasonable, always try to be reasonable, always try to sometimes rationalize certain things.
Remember, all that glitters are not gold, divorce is harder on the kids although if separation becomes inevitable then it must take place to avoid untimely death.
Without asking Him/Her and without making it obvious to him/her, find out his plans for you in his/her future, if he would love his wife to own a super market, it means he wants you to be the boss of yourself, that means he wants a wife that will have time for him and his children, a wife he can see when he needs to without the need for authorization by a boss. So if you are thinking of being a career person where you will have to be climbing up the ladder then you will have to look for someone else or try to reach an agreement you can reference tomorrow with him. If there is no role for you to play in a persons future goal then you need to carve out an acceptable one for yourself before you say I do, if both of you can't agree on your role then expect future clashes.
Next we will look at the role of sex and other issues that leads to a happy married life.
If you like this piece, watched out for Chapter II or email us at rawafricannews@gmail.com for, advice or tip off. You can also publish your articles here: just email it to the above email, include your name, email address and phone number and possibly your facebook or twitter account.

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